People always ask “when are you going to have a baby? When are you going to give Liam a brother or sister?” Not knowing how hard we have tried, how hard we have been trying. Months and months of nothing. Not knowing that you went to one of the best fertility doctors in the country and being told no. No, you can’t carry. Its not safe, for you or a baby. Not knowing that your body can’t do the one thing you wish it could.
I always wanted to be a mom. I remember carrying around my dolls, insisting that they had to come with me wherever we were going, despite my mothers insistence they stay at home. I would play the games with the other girls that would tell you how many kids you would have and who you would marry. I never imagined it wouldn’t be so easy. One stillbirth and a micro preemie loss later I had a healthy 5lb baby boy, Liam.
Fast forward to 2018. Dayne and I had been together for three years, married for over a year and ready to add to our little family. Knowing had an insane amount of scar tissue I made an appointment with a fertility specialist. Hopeful but weary I went to that appointment thinking “we can still do this, it may be difficult but we can do it”. It took all of 10 minutes to crush that dream. Because of my history, it wasn’t going to happen. You should look at surrogacy or adoption. Its too dangerous for you to carry, for you and any potential baby. I went home and cried, I laid around for months depressed. All the while people would ask, “when are you two going to have a baby”. Smiling through the awkward “we’ll see”.
January 2019 a longtime close friend, who for her privacy will remain anonymous for now, messaged me asking about how gestational surrogacy worked. Thinking nothing of it I explained it to her and she said something that literally brought me to tears. “I would love to have your baby for you”. My heart nearly exploded. How did I get so lucky to have such a great friend to do such a selfless act. Allowing me to borrow her body so Dayne and I could have a baby. Immediately I called my doctor and scheduled an appointment. I could hardly contain my excitement. When the office clerk asked what the appointment was for I yelled “WE FOUND A GC!!” She congratulated me and made my follow up appointment. I’ve gone in, had my first ultrasound, meds ordered and I have our tentative IVF schedule.
So there you have it! We are attempting IVF. We have a long way to go. Lots of finances to go through, as it is very, very expensive. But this is our chance to expand our family. Our chance to have a healthy baby with no risk to my life. I plan on documenting this journey. If it can help anyone understand what we are going through, if it can help one person not feel alone, if it can make someone else’s struggle a little less scary. It’s worth it.
IVF Got This 